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hijadedios
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Name: Rachel
Gender: Female
Interests: I'm interested in everything. Except class.
Expertise: Studying, taking care of children, and all those other random homeschool-girly things.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/31/2003
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| It had been a long night and I was ready to go home and sleep. I was sitting in the hospital lobby, waiting for my brother to come pick me up, absent-mindedly swing my lunch box back and forth. I yawned widely as I watched the day shift come in and other night shift employees, like myself, stride out.
"How are?" one said as he walked past.
"Fine, how are you?" My standard reply. A thousand times a day these greetings run back and forth between friends and acquaintances. And I can bet you almost anything that not even one in a hundred really mean it; few people really care to know how your day was, otherwise "fine" would not be a standard answer, nor would the question be asked in passing. But I digress.
He stopped and turned, as though my cordial reply was more than he expected. He was almost out the door, but he walked back, slowly, a little awkwardly, to where I was sitting.
"I'm Paul. I work in the ER." Paul held out his hand.
"Rachel," I replied, "I'm an extern in the GSU." I smiled and shook his hand.
"Good to meet you, Rachel. Coming or going?" He shifted from foot to foot, as though he was nervous.
"I just got off. You?" It was obvious, but I wasn't sure what else to say.
"Yeah. I work nights and weekends so I can go to school during the week." Was he bragging? I work nights and weekends because it pays more. "How long have you been working here?"
Et cetera. The conversation was short, cliche, with standard questions and standard answers all the way through.
Please don't ask for my phone number. It's so awkward when guys do that.
"So I'll probably see you around? We bring patients up to your floor all the time."
"Yeah."
"Again, I'm Paul. And you're Rachel. It was good to meet you." We'd been over this, but I suppose he was going for reinforcement.
"Good to meet you to. Have a good day!" Absolutely nothing original going in this conversation. I usually try to circumvent such inanity, but I was tired.
"You too. See you around!" Yes. He'd said that already.
And probably nothing will come of it. I've "seen him around" a couple of times since then. We smile and wave. I doubt he'll ever ask for my phone number, or that I'd give it to him if he did. We're probably not soul mates, it wasn't love at first sight. But it made me smile for the rest of the day, it makes me smile every time I think of our boring, little introductory exchange, because there is only one reason I know of for a guy to introduce himself to a girl who caught his eye on the way to his car.
He thought I was pretty.
Or hot. Or cute. I have no idea what word he would have used; it's what his actions said that mattered to me. As shallow as it seems, that's a compliment few girls take lightly.
I think that every girl, no matter what her other gifts or strengths are, wants desperately to think she's beautiful. I know I do.
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| It's true.
I never thought of myself as smart 'til two and a half years ago. Next to such intellectually towering figures as my father and brothers, I could only hope to feel average. It was alright, though. I defined myself in other ways--I'm good with kids, I love to pray, cooking is fun, I made lots of quilts. Sure, I liked math, and philosophizing was a hobby, but for the first eighteen years of my life, I probably would not have told you that intelligence was important to me. Homeschooling sheltered my from grades and class rankings and intellectual competition with my peers.
Then I got into college. I was excited, kinda scared, and very worried about losing my scholarship. When my first round of tests came, I was super nervous, and didn't feel like I had studied enough. That's when it happened.
Psych: "Rachel, Jackie, Angela, Hannah, stand up. Class, all of these girls got a 98% on the first test. In this class, that's hard. Give them a hand."
Chem: "You set the curve."
Old Testament (in front of the class): "Good job. You got 100%."
Next semester:
Anatomy (other students looking at my papers): "What! How could you get a hundred? I thought that was impossible in this class."
New Testament: "Good job Rachel, you got the only hundred in this section."
Nutrition (student sitting next to me when tests passed back): "You only got a 92? Wow, I never thought I could do as well as you."
Et cetera. Apparently, I'm good at taking tests. Better than most, in fact. I was quite shocked, and didn't realize until too late that not everyone was as good as me, and it's not popular to have to highest grade in the class. Somehow, I made friends anyway, largely due to the honors program. I became renowned for my memory, test-taking skills, and exceptionally large vocabulary. I said witty things, people laughed. So I said more witty things. I injected obscure facts into conversation, people said "wow." So I threw more strange facts into my conversation. I forgot how to talk without trying to be witty, I began to judge people more and more based on their intellect, and my group of friends included mostly Honors students.
Ok, at this point, I need to inject a few pertinent facts. My family is brainy. Always has been, always will be. I just never thought I was as brainy as the rest of them, or that the world in general did not always interact that way. So, to some degree, my childhood training emphasized brainy pursuits. But seriously guys, there's more to me than mad test taking skills.
So I was thinking just last night about some friends I've made recently, non-Honors friends. People who don't care too much about school, whose conversations consist mostly of "Dude, that was awesome" or "Man, that sucked." I had trouble fitting in with them, and wondered if it was worth the effort. Apparently, my brainiac abilities, so useful for someone who wants to be a 4.0 honors student, have actually started to get in the way of my being able to relate to people. Which is awful; two and half years ago, being smart didn't define me. Understanding, compassionate, a good listener--these were my biggest strengths. And now, apparently, they're not, because when I'm with people who don't care about smarts and school, I fall asleep on the couch while everyone else stays up all night playing cards. And when I have no homework, I dunno what to do with myself. I think I've become a rather pathetic creature in this regard; I've worked so hard on refining my mental capabilities that I've forgotten to be the rest of me too.
I want to be me again.
And that's as emo as I can get, folks. :P
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| When are they gonna stop hitting me?
I can't take it anymore.
One more day.
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| | You Are An ISFJ | The Nurturer
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. |
What's Your Personality Type?So far, I've come up as INTJ, ISFP, and now ISFJ on these tests. My personality must be constantly in flux.  I suppose it'll settle down eventually, and I remain, to the end, entirely introverted. Funny, this test seems to be of the most dubious reliability, based on the site I took it on. However, I find its description to be rather... striking. A rather interesting mix of introversion and a need for people. Someday, perhaps, I shall put forth the effort necessary for a real xanga entry. For now, I shall merely entertain you with the temptation to take yet another of those silly internet quizzes. :) | | |
| | You Have a Melancholic Temperament |  Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult. |
What Temperment Are You?
This seems pretty accurate... I hope I don't have to be the brooding and sulking type all my life, though. I'm working towards "generally happy." I wonder if it's possible to change your own temperament?
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